The Scary Thoughts No One Talks About in Motherhood

Kana | Your Neighbourhood Doula

Intrusive Thoughts About Your Baby? You're Not Alone.

Have you ever had a thought that stopped you in your tracks—one that made your stomach drop and left you wondering, "Where did that even come from?"


Maybe you’ve been holding your baby and suddenly imagined dropping them. Or you’ve been lying in bed, unable to sleep, because what if something happens while you’re not watching? Maybe you’ve even had a fleeting thought about walking away, just for a moment of peace, and then immediately felt guilty for even thinking it.


If this sounds familiar, let’s get one thing straight: You are not crazy. And you are not alone.


Unwanted feelings and intrusive thoughts are a normal, albeit unsettling, part of new parenthood. Studies show that approximately 70% of new mothers and 65% of new parents in general experience intrusive thoughts about something happening to their baby. These thoughts can be distressing, but they don’t define you or your ability to care for your child.


So let’s talk about it—what intrusive thoughts are, why they happen, and most importantly, what you can do to ease their weight and seek the support you deserve.


Recognizing Unwanted Feelings and Intrusive Thoughts


Intrusive thoughts are involuntary, unwanted, and often distressing mental images or ideas that can intrude into a person's mind. For new parents, these thoughts may involve fears of accidentally harming their baby or something harmful happening to the child. It's important to understand that having these thoughts doesn't mean you intend to act on them; they are common and do not reflect your true desires or capabilities as a parent. Put it differently - your thoughts are not you. But I get it; just because many people experience this just like you do doesn’t mean it magically goes away either. So I have some exercises you can do to alleviate, lessen the intensity or frequency or to seek help when you have these feelings and thoughts.



Steps to Manage and Reduce Intrusive Thoughts Acknowledge the Thoughts Without Judgment: 


  • Understand that intrusive thoughts are a common experience among new parents. Recognizing them without self-judgment can reduce their impact. Remove that label you’ve put on yourself or others who have confessed these thoughts and feelings about their baby


  • Practice Mindfulness and Grounding Techniques: Engage in mindfulness exercises to stay present. Techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or grounding exercises can help manage anxiety associated with intrusive thoughts. Ask yourself - what are the alternatives to my thoughts? If I think that I’m going to drop this baby, an alternative thought could be, “well, what if I don’t drop the baby?”


  • Limit Avoidance Behaviors: Avoiding situations that trigger intrusive thoughts can reinforce anxiety. Gradual, controlled exposure to these situations can help reduce fear over time. If you’re worried about going outside with your baby, don’t avoid going out completely. Go for a walk with your partner and the baby or have them push the stroller instead of you. If you prefer to push it yourself, have your partner walk right next to you at all times. Then gradually start going for walks by yourself


  • Seek Professional Support: If intrusive thoughts become overwhelming or interfere with daily life, consider consulting a mental health professional. Therapies like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) have been effective in managing intrusive thoughts.


  • Connect with Supportive Communities: Sharing experiences with other new parents can provide reassurance and reduce feelings of isolation. Support groups, either in-person or online (e.g. Facebook, Instagram), can offer a safe space to discuss these challenges. If you’ve had these thoughts before, comment below and share your experience! You never know when another mom needs to read it.


  • Prioritize Self-Care: Ensure you're taking care of your physical and emotional needs. Adequate rest, nutrition, and engaging in activities you enjoy can improve overall well-being and resilience. Check in with yourself if you’ve drank enough water and have had food in your system. Or have you been operating solely on coffee in an empty stomach?


Remember, experiencing unwanted feelings and intrusive thoughts as a new parent is common and doesn't define your ability to care for your child. By acknowledging these thoughts and seeking appropriate support, you can navigate this challenging period more effectively!


Want to have more personalized support to prepare for postpartum or talk through the struggles you’re experiencing now?


I can help and all you need to do is book a call with me HERE. The first step is reducing this “noise” in your head is seeking support for yourself.

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